At aging conferences I use to attend, some people would cringe at the conference sessions that centered around older adults and sex. And in my mind the titles of the sessions, always hazy and euphemistically stated (e.g. “Going into the Garden after 70”), only reinforced the associated stigma. Shhhhh, they said. Older people aren’t supposed to have sex anymore. Let’s keep this discreet.
Sure, it’s more appealing for us to imagine ravishing, young couples in their prime engaged in romantic affairs (just think of the public’s rabid fixation with ‘Brad & Angelina’). And, frankly, many of us from Generation X and Y wince at the idea of much older adults being sexual at all, likely because it is threatening on some level…we too will be old one day. But sexual expression and intimacy are as much of a need for the old as for the young (particularly emotionally and particularly for men), hence all the rage around ‘Viagra.’
The power of and desire for touch exists from the time we are infants, and never leaves us. Studies show it is an important part of staying healthy. According to The Touch Research Institute at the University of Miami School of Medicine, in more than 100 studies into touch, researchers found evidence of significant effects, including faster growth in premature babies, reduced pain, decreased autoimmune disease symptoms, lowered glucose levels in children with diabetes, and improved immune systems in people with cancer.
So I was pleased to see the surge in online dating for the over 50 crowd. A recent piece in the Washington Post, by Ellen McCarthy reports that by 2007, the 50+ had become the fastest growing group for online dating companies. Sites such as Perfectmatch.com and SeniorMatch.com help the 50+ make new connections and find love from their desktops.
Good for the boomers. Aging isn’t easy and the 50+ face tough challenges as they become empty nesters, lose spouses through death or divorce, serve as tireless caregivers and often feel the need to redefine themselves as they enter the later stage of life. Careers wind down as health issues often crop up and consequently, feelings of loneliness, helplessness and boredom commonly ensue.
Yesterday, I went to grab a coffee and as I was about to enter Starbucks I watched as an elderly man helped his frail wife with a walker. He gently anticipated her every move with the knowledge that a lifelong partner uniquely possesses. I found it reassuring to know that when one of them passes away, the other still has a chance to find support and perhaps new love through digital communication channels. Just a few years ago, this would not have been possible.
-Amanda Sobanet