I don’t know about you but when people I barely know “sweetie” me and call me “dear,” it makes my skin crawl. Beyond its sticky saccharine nature, at its base, this type of endearment tends to infantilize us, whatever the intent of the speaker. What’s next...trips to time out and Romper Room?
For the rest of today’s blog, continue at the Boomer Blog
For older adults, the reaction is only magnified, as the very people that shower them with these affections (if we can call them that), often have not yet experienced as much. Getting older is not always a picnic and people don’t need to feel patronized in the process.
This week’s New York Times article, “In ‘Sweetie’ and ‘Dear,’ a Hurt for the Elderly” by John Leland beautifully illuminates the point. Leland references studies that show just how powerful words are in caring for older adults, many of whom already feel vulnerable due to inevitable losses in later life. Those exposed to negative images of aging through “elderspeak” do worse on memory and balance tests and show higher levels of stress.
What we say and how we say it matters. The tone and pitch of our voice matters. And the choice of our words matters. This goes beyond whipping up snappy marketing copy. First and foremost, it’s about thinking better thoughts about those who are hitting their later years.
Amanda Sobanet
Comments (4)
In the last couple weeks, I have seen references to how bad it is to use these terms of endearment with older adults. That these terms are "infantalizing" older adults and are insulting.
I question (or wonder)if this is nothing more than the younger ages following the lead of the older adults they work and live with. I am 40 years old. The only people that call me sweetie and dear are those 60+ who now think they shouldn't be called by those terms. It's difficult to change the slang of a generation. maybe understanding is a better solution than castigation.
Posted by Greg Marshall | October 8, 2008 10:55 AM
Posted on October 8, 2008 10:55
I am definitely getting older (57) but I don't yet find these terms offensive. Maybe it's because I live in the South - it's okay if a waitress calls me "hon" - she does it to everyone! It's not because of my age.
I WOULD find it "skin-crawling" if it was done in a derogatory or belittling way, however. What would be a good response to someone offending you this way? Most don't even realize they are offending you! Maybe you should gently and tactfully let them know.
Posted by Joyce Dahlquist | October 13, 2008 3:27 PM
Posted on October 13, 2008 15:27
Oh goodness, I'm forever saying sweetie and hon to people...thanks for opening up my eyes! Do people really hate it?
Posted by Boomer Chick | October 16, 2008 2:24 AM
Posted on October 16, 2008 02:24
"Infantilization" is the operative word here. I recently saw just what that means, and how demeaning it is.
My beloved aunt lives in a retirement community. It's a great place with great services, among them a medical unit where the (generally independent) residents can temporarily be receive nursing care when needed. My aunt did a stint there after an operation. While the care was generally excellent, it was horrid to see her treated like a two-year-old even though she is mentally fully competent. When I was visiting her, the nurse would enter the room and ask me, "Does she want dinner now?" with her sitting right there!
While I don't care for "sweetie" and "dear" as forms of address among strangers, these words are merely a symptom, not the real problem. The problem is lumping all older people together into the group "senile," and treating them as such, rather than addressing them as individual, full-fledged human beings.
Posted by Ed at AAFR | October 17, 2008 8:48 AM
Posted on October 17, 2008 08:48