I’m certainly not going to argue against the effectiveness of both these campaigns. The Dove campaign is reported to have increased sales on products in that line 700 percent. And More continues to win new advertisers and subscribers at a record-setting pace.

It’s just that we must remember that even the “real” movement is aspirational—not what most (scratch that) any woman 40+ sees in the mirror every day. As I watched the crowning of the new More model, I viewed with admiration and awe, a bone thin woman with a surprisingly seasoned face. I applauded More for identifying a new brand of beauty—and that is, indeed, revolutionary. But I felt the loss of one of the most special aspects of achieving midlife and beyond.

It’s not standing out—it’s sameness. There’s some kind of comfort, for those of the boomer generation who have competed all of our lives, to have rounded and softened just enough so that former beauty queen and class nerd fall pretty much on the same page. So we recognize each other when we’re shopping, in the workplace, taking long walks—and there’s a kind of mutual respect, a surprising affinity—of having made it this far and still looking as good as we do, without the help of klieg lights.

Yes, there are a few plumpish models in the aspirational ads (who, of course, happen to be extraordinarily beautiful.) But mostly, we are getting the message that you can be beautiful if you’re old, and (pertaining more to Dove’s real curves campaign…) beautiful if you’re chubby—but best not to be chubby and old at the same time.

Match this new model for aging, and you have a chance of becoming the new “exotic”—another worldly beauty to which we can aspire (if we still have the will and the strength)—but please, don’t call it real.

Carol Orsborn