When I studied the martial arts (brown belt, karate…) my sensei taught us one of the basic principles of self-defense: use whatever you’ve got. For instance, in the hands of the right person, a car key aimed strategically at the attacker’s eye can become a lethal weapon. In Aikido, you even use your attacker’s own strength against him. For instance, when being rushed by a foe, you can step aside at the last moment while his velocity carries him headfirst into something along the lines of a brick wall.

And so we have here an elderly woman, seemingly defenseless, who used what she had—the stereotype that she was already on death’s door stoop—to stop the attack. Truth is, she probably works out three times a week, runs a million dollar charity and like me, could very easily have an advanced degree in karate.

Call it the Tao of Aging—or better yet, chronological Aikido—this story got me thinking about another way older women use stereotypes to gain an advantage over others. My favorite is invisibility. Feeling invisible is traditionally one of the downsides of growing older for women. I resonated with the growing awareness that I could ride in elevators and have conversations transpire around and over me that contained privileged information that would never have been aired publicly in the presence of um, say, an early 40’s man in a business suit. In social as well as business settings (where you don’t happen to hold positional power) you find that it’s harder to get your opinion taken seriously, if you’re seen at all.

And then I met Jackie, 60 and one of the top professors in her field. “Don’t you know—Invisibility is a super power!” What do you mean? I inquired. “I can go places with complete freedom from attracting unwanted attention, I can gather intelligence that I can use to my advantage, and most of all, I can mount a surprise attack, knowing that despite the stereotypes, I can make myself heard when it really matters.”

Carol Orsborn